Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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