my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize