Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
