you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
