Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
