Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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