I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
