if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
