Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
