Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize