WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
