Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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