HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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