Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
