I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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