so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
