I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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