do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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