dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
