he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
my shit smells like andre
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
