And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
