i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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