I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
