I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
