My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
