and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
