As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
