so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
