I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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