You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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