Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
