Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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