There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
