I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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