Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
