I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
