We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
