you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
