my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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