Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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