I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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