So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
