How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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