If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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