Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
