Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
