but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
