What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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