Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
