I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is classic penis vs brain.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
