he told me I talked like a deaf person
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
