id be glad to
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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