There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
