i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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