Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
