Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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