Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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