Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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