She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
