We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
