my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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