So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
