Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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