I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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