Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
