i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
