ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
