She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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