This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
