Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Ketchup is God's man juice
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
