also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
pray to the hookup gods
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize