Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
