i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize
