I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
