You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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