Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
