You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
