you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
