That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
