great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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