the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
