Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
