Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I hate all girls vehemently.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
