My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
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Strip Mario-Kart
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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