After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
