I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
