I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize