Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
