It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
