We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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