Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
they're like a gay fantastic four
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
