there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
