I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
We got so high we made milksteak
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
