I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
