I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
