Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
